


American Made

by saucyminx



Series: The House Rules [7]
Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-07
Updated: 2011-06-07
Packaged: 2017-10-28 12:47:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A novel length story of a struggling country singer and the young man who tries to change his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Lips rolling together, Chad stared down at his lap and shook his head, blowing out a low breath. There was a frustrated grunt to the left of him and Chad lifted an eyebrow but didn’t glance over. It was probably safer not to, at this point at least. He slowly looked up and caught sight of a sign that listed three locations Chad was fairly sure he’d never seen on the map.

That was probably, a really bad sign.

Chad had _told_ Christian that he shouldn’t be in charge of navigating. It wasn’t like he did this thing very often. The last time Chad had gone home - and all the times before excluding the drive when he’d first moved to California - he’d flown. At this point, Chad was wishing they had decided to fly because this could get bad.

“Um,” Chad whispered and slowly turned the map on his lap, wetting his lips and shooting a quick look over at Christian. “I think, we maybe, shouldn’t have gotten on this highway. We should have stayed on that one back there.” Which to Chad meant, this blue line, not that one. Really, he wasn’t good at this.

Sighing, Christian shifted on the seat and steered the truck off the highway. “Chad. You have no idea where we are, do you?” Turning off the ignition, Christian held his hand out for the map as he tried to keep a straight face. Chad looked about as confused as Christian had ever seen him. It was pretty damn funny because when it came to most things, Chad was the smart one. It seemed his intelligence didn’t extend to navigation.

“Well, I know that we’re in Colorado.” Chad nodded and slowly handed the map over, scratching along his neck. “Um, and we’re probably not heading in the right direction?” Chad could feel the flush of heat crawling up his cheeks and _seriously_. He was a college graduate and clearly not capable of surviving in the real world. “All the lines look the same,” he reasoned quickly, picking at the fray in his knee.

Christian couldn't help the laughter that burst out of him as he took the map. When he managed to get himself together he pointed at the seat _right_ beside him. "C'mere."

“I’m sorry,” Chad groaned and slid across the seat, pushing a hand up through his hair. “I thought, man I really thought I had it. The roads were - I don’t know.” Chad stopped just short of pressing against Christian, wetting his lips nervously. “I have no idea how long we’ve been on the wrong road.”

Spreading the map out, Christian turned slightly and laid it on Chad's lap. He pointed at the highway marked in blue in the middle of the map and trailed his finger up it until it was pressing the paper against Chad's crotch. "So this is the highway, and see how far we've gone from the turn off?"

Chad’s eyes fluttered a few times, his heart instantly quickening and skipping a beat. He was fairly sure Christian was doing this on purpose, the whole pressing into his crotch thing, and he swallowed down the burst of arousal swelling up in him. “Right,” he whispered, staring down at the map and trying to make sense of what Christian was saying. “So uh, we gotta turn around?”

"Now see," Christian drawled low and soft. Christian put some more pressure on his finger and dragged it a little higher on the paper, letting his thumb slip under the bottom of Chad's t-shirt. "We could drive all the way back here, or..." His finger slid all the way back down again to where they were. "We could just enjoy the scenery and in a few hours there's a turn off - you know - that will get us back on track."

“O-oh,” Chad gasped, biting his lip a moment later. He couldn’t control the way his hips moved up into Christian’s touch and he just barely swallowed the moan moving through him. Leave it to Christian to come up with some weird form of punishment that included groping him with use of a map. “Um. The - scenery? We should, you know, that seems, smarter.” Chad swayed toward Christian, his eyes closing and staying that way as he breathed deeply.

"Havin' some trouble?" Christian's shifted a little more so he could lean in to whisper against Chad's ear. "You gettin' a little too hot?" He walked his fingers back up over the already firm bulge he could feel under the map and slipped his hand under Chad's shirt again. The flesh was hot and sticky, it was warm on the road with the late day sun beating down on them - but, fuck, Chad smelled good. Christian flicked his tongue over Chad's ear and chuckled softly. "You need some water?"

“F-fuck Christian,” Chad moaned, his hand slapping down on Christian’s thigh and squeezing. He couldn’t actually imagine taking a drink of water - or doing anything but rocking up into Christian’s hand again - so he didn’t try and answer. Instead he tilted toward Christian once more, feeling each deep breath as he struggled to get some control over himself. “You’re just- you’re,” he whispered and slowly blinked his eyes open once more, staring up at Christian through the haze of lust.

Christian pulled his hand away long enough to pick up the water bottle that was in the cup holder. He spun the top off and looked down into Chad's eyes for a few moments, smile turning softer as he took in the beautiful blue of his boyfriend's eyes. "Think you could use some coolin' off," Christian rasped. "Might help you read that map better."

He held the bottle near Chad's shoulder and tipped it slowly until a small trickle splashed down Chad's neck and soaked the collar of his t-shirt. "Here, lemme get that."

Leaning in quickly Christian dragged his tongue from Chad's collar up to his chin and gathered the beads of water. It was tinged salty and tasted like Chad and Christian's hips shifted on the seat.

Instantly Chad’s head fell back, giving Christian as much room as he could possibly want to lick him. His fingers gripped Christian’s thigh harder and he drew in a ragged breath. “Christian,” he gasped, free hand curling over the edge of his seat.

It was kind of a thrill to have Christian behaving like this. Not like they didn’t have a healthy sex life, because they really did, but it wasn’t all that often that Christian was the one to jump him. Or whatever. It was usually Chad, or mutual or something. This though? It made his head spin from the attention and his eyes closed once more as he shifted closer to Christian.

"What's wrong, you want me to stop?" Christian chuckled at the whine that slipped from Chad's lips. "You need more water?"

Christian _loved_ seeing Chad like this. Turned on, flushed, sweating - and whether he knew it or not Chad's hips were rocking up slightly as he clenched hard onto Christian's thigh. It was _hot_.

“D-don’t-” Chad sucked in a deep breath, legs spreading a little wider to give himself more room. “Stop. Don’t stop. God.” Chad bit down hard on his lip, flinching for a moment then sliding his hand up Christian’s thigh. His boyfriend was going to drive him absolutely insane and really? Chad definitely didn’t mind that.

"Aren't ya worried someone might see?" Christian shoved the map off his boyfriends lap and watched it slide off the seat onto the floor. "People drive by sometimes, might see you all hot and bothered." Tipping some more water on Chad's shirt Christian set the bottle down and rubbed the front of Chad's t-shirt. It was wet enough that it was clinging to Chad in a pretty perfect way.

Leaning down, Christian swore softly when he bumped his hip against the steering wheel but it turned into a low chuckle. His lips latched onto Chad's nipple through the wet material and he sucked hard, flicking his tongue over the cotton.

“Oh Jesus _fuck_ ,” Chad groaned and curved up into Christian. He had no idea why the touch felt so much more sensitive than others but it did, like Chad’s skin was sparking and the soft rasp of his wet t-shirt and heat of Christian’s mouth was coals burning in him. “Don’t care, if someone sees,” he whispered, however unlike him it might be.

Sucking in a quick breath of air, Christian laughed against the wet t-shirt. "Really now? Chad? That's not like you." Christian's palm slid down the damp material then back up under it, his fingers splayed wide over Chad's over-heated flesh. "Should probably get your cock in my mouth and make you feel better."

Chad's entire body jolted under Christian's touch and he could feel his own cock twitch and throb. _God_ , he wanted Chad. It wasn't even Christian's thing - the blow job - but _Jesus_ he just wanted to make Chad fall apart. Right there. In the truck. In the heat.

“Y-yeah?” Chad blinked his eyes open once more, staring at Christian in mild surprise. It wasn’t like the guy hadn’t ever given him a blow job before, but it certainly wasn’t a common thing, and Chad was okay with that. _Still_. Hearing those words falling from Christian’s lips made Chad’s heart slam hard against his chest. “I - should I - what’s best?” Chad had no idea how to rearrange himself in the cab of the truck and even if it made him blush, he knew he had to get the question out.

Shaking his head Christian pulled back a little. "You tellin' me you ain't ever had a blow job in a pick up?" Laughing Christian caught Chad's mouth under his before his boyfriend could answer and then pulled away. Reaching behind him he pulled his door open and stepped out into the glare. Knowing that Chad was watching him, he pulled the tie out of his hair and ran his hand through it. The hair was damp at the nape of his neck and Christian shivered slightly even in the heat.

Shoving the door shut he headed around to Chad's side and yanked the passenger door open, grabbed Chad and tugged him toward the edge of the seat. His hands were on Chad's jeans, flicking the button open and pulling the zipper down. "Ever told you what you do to me when you're like this?"

“You?” Chad choked on a laugh, staring down at Christian with wide eyes. He couldn’t believe this was about to happen. He could hardly breathe and Christian seemed so confident, so at ease with this entire thing. “You’re - god Christian, you’re driving me insane.” His head tilted to the side as Christian’s words from before caught up with him and he laughed shakily. “You given a blow job in a pick up before?”

"Chad, I'm gonna tell you somethin' right now, okay? I'd never even given one before I met you." Christian pushed roughly at his boyfriend's jeans until the pale skin of Chad's hips was revealed. "Never wanted to," he added in a husky whisper. His hands spread over Chad's hips, thumbs running up the length of the man's cock and Christian licked his lips.

That was definitely _want_ in Christian’s eyes now and Chad stared for another long moment before the thick desire crushed through him and he dropped back on the seat, “God, that - really are gonna make me crazy.” He moved up into Christian’s touch, leg hooking around the man’s body.

Christian shoved his hand up under Chad's shirt, stroked along his sweat-damp flesh and then kneeled on the foot-board so he could lick at the hard flesh. It was musky and hot, smooth and when his tongue flicked through a bead of pre-come he couldn't help moaning. He loved the taste of Chad, that bitter-sweet, salty flavor that always made Christian's heart speed up a little.

A low groan fell from Chad and he forced himself not to thrust up into Christian’s mouth because _god_. He already felt like he was on fire, from the inside out, and the heat of Christian’s mouth was enough to have him clenching his eyes tightly shut. He felt just a little dizzy and he reached out, threading his fingers into Christian’s slightly damp, curly locks.

Christian's hands were shaking; lust was coursing through him faster than he could even breathe through it. His lips curled around the head of Chad's cock, sucking gently, tongue pressing into the slit. When Chad's body arched up off the seat, Christian pressed him back down with a firm grasp on his hip and sucked harder.

Another burst of come hit his tongue and as Christian moaned around the velvet soft head he felt Chad's body shudder under his hands. _God_ he loved the way Chad moved, the sounds, the taste, fucking everything.

It was far more than maddening, Christian’s lips sinking tortuously slow down over his skin. Chad moan in one long stream, fingers tightening to the point it had to be painful in Christian’s hair. “ _Fuck_ , Christian,” Chad groaned and struggled against the press of fingers holding him down and in place. Part of Chad just wanted to thrust up into the man’s mouth, while the other wanted to lay here and soak this in for the rest of the day. It was kind of like his own personal perfection.

Christian pulsed his tongue against the swell of flesh, sinking lower and swallowing. He relaxed his throat and drew Chad's cock deeper then loosened his grip on the man's hips. His fingers slid over sweat slick flesh until he could tuck them under Chad's ass, urging him to fuck into his mouth.

Heat flared through Chad so fast the pleasure of it caused his toes to curl. His hips moved up into his boyfriend’s mouth and he groaned once more, pulling back only to rock just as swiftly back up into Christian’s mouth. He was already moments from coming but he fought against it, using his grip on Christian’s hair to pull him back and push him back down. “Not - not gonna last,” he gasped, nails scraping over Christian’s scalp.

Fingers digging _hard_ into Chad's flesh, Christian moaned and hollowed his cheeks to drawn more of his lover in. Swallowing he brought his hands back up to press against Chad's hips, holding him there as he arched up off the seat.

Christian always did this, made Chad feel so insane and crazy with _want_ and _need_ , Chad wasn’t even sure how he would survive. Sometimes it scared Chad, like he simply felt too much, but he shook the thought away and let himself fall into heat coursing through him. Chad managed a sharp grab at Christian’s hair before his release flared through him, body trembling as he struggled to move up into his lover’s mouth.

The first burst of hot come startled Christian and then he pulled back slightly and curled his hand around the base of Chad's cock. Tongue swirling through the slick release, Christian moaned and his entire body was tingling. When Chad’s body finally sank back down to the seat with a shudder, Christian pulled off and sucked in a huge breath. “Fuck,” he whispered.

“You’re telling me,” Chad mumbled, rubbing along his eyes slowly and frowning at the shift of contacts. Why he bothered was beyond him. “Can’t believe...” Chad pushed up hard off the seat until he was leaning toward Christian, wide smile on his lips. “Can’t believe we just did that. Right on the side of the road.”

Arms slipping around Chad's waist, Christian pulled him closer. "Not done with you yet," he growled. Burying his face in Chad's neck for a few moments, Christian panted softly then mouthed his way up Chad's neck. His teeth sank into the tender flesh below his boyfriend's ear and he groaned at the ache in his belly.

Chad’s head fell back and he gripped Christian’s arms, hoping the man would keep him up because his muscles just felt loose and overheated. “N-not done?” Chad groaned and wiggled closer to Christian, sucking in a sharp breath through his nose. “Gonna literally see if you can kill me?”

“Not quite what I had in mind,” Christian said. Keeping Chad tight against his chest, Christian reached for the glove box and flipped it down then tugged Chad forward into his arms and turned him. Pushing gently he pressed Chad back down on the seat and slid his hands down his boyfriend’s sides until he could pull his jeans down over the curve of his ass. “Gonna fuck you, right here.”

He flicked the buttons open on his jeans quickly, watching the rapid raise and fall of Chad’s back as he gasped for air.

“Oh _god_ ,” Chad whispered, face pressing down into the seat. The idea of Christian fucking him, right along the side of the road, their clothes still mostly on, was enough to make all the air whoosh out of Chad’s chest at a painful rate. He wasn’t hard again yet but he was pretty sure he would be before Christian was done with him and _fuck_ he liked to think about it like that.

Christian hair was sticking to the sweat that was beading on the back of his neck; his heart was racing. Sliding his palm up Chad's back he pushed his fingers into his boyfriend's hair, tangling then grabbing. He grabbed the small bottle of lube that he'd stashed and popped it open long enough to slick up his hand.

Stroking his cock was almost painful, too much stimulation after being trapped in his jeans while he watched Chad fall apart. Moaning softly, a low near-clench in his throat, Christian growled, "You drive me fuckin' crazy," through clenched teeth

“Y-you,” Chad choked on the words. He couldn’t get anything more out, Christian had stolen all of his breath, leaving him reeling and squirming on the front seat. The thick burning heat of summer air was doubling the beads of sweat already forming on the back of his neck and Chad pressed his forehead against the seat. “Please Christian,” he whispered through the heavy pants shaking his chest.

Chad had no problem begging for Christian. Except every now and then, like now, it cause his heart to literally _ache_ and the next breath he sucked in was almost like a sob. “Christian,” he whispered, so desperate for the man to be in him it _hurt_.

A low groan slid through Christian’s clenched teeth and his hands moved down Chad’s back to shove his jeans down further. In one quick swoop he bent and licked at the sweat glistening in the furrow just above Chad’s ass.

The whimper that proceeded Chad writhing on the seat rattled Christian’s control. Shaking hands grabbed at the bare skin of Chad’s hips and pulled him closer. His thumbs split the pale flesh and he guided his cock into the heat of his boyfriend’s ass. “Fuck, I need this - like fuckin’ air... I can’t even -” A moan shattered Christian’s train of thought as he felt the initial give of muscle and the squeeze on the head of his shaft.

Christian’s deep rumbled words sent a shudder through Chad that he almost couldn’t control. Whenever Christian said he _needed_ him - which he’d taken to quite a bit since their fight a few months before - Chad felt like someone was pulling him apart from the inside. In the absolute best way.

Now, when Christian slowly sank into him, Chad had to fight the urge to rock his body back. He would fight against Christian’s hold on him even, if just to get his lover deeper within him, faster, harder. The pleas formed on Chad’s lips but he swallowed them back, moaning his boyfriend’s name instead. He clenched his muscles around the man, closing his eyes and riding out each wave of pleasure.

Stretching his arm up over his head Christian braced himself on the truck and slammed his hips forward. Chad's body clenched around him; the heat burned and sent waves of lust rippling up Christian's body. He moaned and turned into his arm to wipe the hair from his eyes. He needed his eyes on Chad's body; on the slick skin, the muscles moving under pale skin.

Chad cried out at the next thrust, he couldn’t resist it. The way Christian just _claimed_ him was far too good. His body curved up off the seat, pushing back into his lover to meet each thrust. His nails scraped along the seat, struggling to find purchase as Christian moved into him. “Fuck, Christian,” Chad gasped, trailing off in a low groan as his already hard again cock moved along the edge of the seat.

Christian's finger nails dragged down the center of Chad's back. He could feel the heat of the sun warming his back and beads of sweat creeping down the small of back.

For a few moments he lost himself in the sensation of _fucking_ Chad. It was heat, slick and fiery; it was firm muscle and smooth flesh over the jut of a hip bone. Chad's mouth was leaking the filthiest, hottest sounds and half mumbled words and Christian could feel every one of them like fingers trailing over his skin.

He thrust harder; palm sliding down over Chad's ass to grip his hip tightly. Each thrust in made him gasp for air and each time he withdrew his heart threatened to beat right out of his chest. "Chad," he said softly.

Chad felt like he was losing his mind. Christian was thrusting into him harder enough it made the truck shake but the contrast of his soft hum, the rough curl of Chad’s name, made his body _ache_. The air was hanging thick and heavy over him, causing his entire body to grow damp with sweat.

Each thrust brought his hips grinding down against the seat and Chad could feel his orgasm rising. He clutched hard at the seat, rolling his head along the fabric and choking on a moan. “G-gonna -” he groaned, arching back into Christian until the hard forward slap of his hips brought firm presses against his prostate. Chad keened, whimpered, a tumble of noises that he couldn’t decipher as anything coherent. Chad was starting to think Christian really would kill him this time around.

"Come again for me," Christian growled. His rough palm slid up over Chad's back again until his fingers curled around the back of the man's neck. Each thrust pushed Christian closer and closer to the edge; each moan from Chad sending rivulets of pleasure winding round his spine.

His entire body shuddered as his orgasm ripped through him. Christian's hand slammed hard against the top rim of the truck door and he let go, falling forward and covering Chad's body as he rode out waves after wave of mind-bending pleasure.

Chad could feel his body tense somewhere through Christian’s orgasm and his own release rippled through him, pulling a soundless gasp from his lips. The weight of Christian pressing down on him was enough to pull another shudder from him and Chad thought he might have blacked out for a moment.

When he finally blinked his eyes open Christian was still against him and Chad sucked in a sharp breath, exhaling shakily. “Jesus Christ that was...” Chad muttered, shaking his head slowly. “Fuckin’ killed me.”

Half laughing-half moaning, Christian somehow managed to muster enough energy to pull himself off of Chad. His legs were trembling and he stood there leaning heavily on the truck. "C'mere," he rasped.

Smoothing his hand over Chad's ass gently he squeezed and waited for the man to roll over before reaching out and pulling him up so he could wrap his arms around him. Burying his face in Chad's neck, Christian hummed low and rough. "God, I fuckin' love you. Don't ever leave me."

Chad’s heart skipped a beat and he wrapped his arms slowly around Christian, fingers brushing hair off Christian’s sweat damp neck. “Never will,” he whispered, leaning into Christian and smiling softly. “Christian,” he breathed, clutching him just a little tighter. “You just...” he laughed shakily and turned his head until he could kiss the side of Christian’s face. “Amazing.”

"Sorry," Christian muttered. His head was kind of spinning with emotion and he figured sometimes he must sound completely crazy. He just _felt_ it sometimes; felt how much Chad meant to him and none of his words seemed big enough to make the man truly understand.

Straightening up slightly he turned and stared into Chad's eyes. They were still glazed and heavy-lidded and Christian just had to reach up and smooth the hair back off Chad's forehead.

“Don’t say sorry,” Chad breathed, tilting up into Christian’s touch and smiling. “I... when you say that, things like that, just makes me kinda crazy.” Laughing quietly, Chad shook his head and leaned forward to gently brush his lips across Christian’s. “I fuckin’ love you too, love hearing you say it, love all of this and you. Might make me stupidly sappy but god the way my heart feels...” Chad shrugged, speaking against Christian’s lips in soft whispers.

"I know," Christian whispered. He did know, he just hoped that he could keep things on track - _not_ let the man he loved down. Sighing he shook his head. "Great sex or not - you're _shit_ with a map." Chuckling, Christian slipped his hands under Chad's ass and lifted him off the seat so he could turn and set him down on the roadside.

When he saw that Chad could actually stand he reached back in the truck and grabbed the water bottle and one of the shirts that was draped over the back of the seat. Soaking the material he rubbed it over Chad's face and neck, eyes following his hand as he cooled off his lover.

“I may be shit with a map but at least it gave you a pretty damn good reason to pull off to the side of the road and fuckin’ blow my mind.” Chad laughed, swaying into Christian’s touches and the coolness of cloth and water moving over him. “How am I even conscious?” he muttered, knowing full well that any other night Christian made him come twice he was usually passed out within minutes.

The cloth moved over Chad's chest and down around his side so Christian could wipe it over Chad's ass and legs. "You can sleep while I drive," he murmured against Chad's lips. "Always take care of you."

Stepping back slightly Christian wiped himself clean and tossed the shirt under the truck seat then rearranged his clothing. Next his fingers were on Chad's jeans, pulling them back up gently and fastening them again. He smiled as Chad leaned into him and nuzzled against his neck. "All good?"

“Almost,” Chad whispered, nose pressing against Christian’s cheek and pushing up until he could capture his lover’s lips. His fingers slid back into the man’s hair, lips parting to deepen the kiss as he pressed forward. It felt a little like his stomach was flipping in circles and Chad moaned softly, tongue moving against Christian’s before he slowly pulled back. “Might be all good now,” he murmured into the inches between their lips.

"You...uh, kiss good," Christian said softly. Laughing quietly he shook his head and turned them again so he could help Chad back up onto the seat. For a few moments he leaned on the seat, fingers moving over Chad's still flushed cheek then he smiled, stood and closed the door.

Truthfully, Chad had been insane with worry about this whole, Christian meeting his parents thing. But this moment seemed to change it all. After all, the way Christian was being, Chad felt like he was the center of the universe and there was nothing his boyfriend wouldn’t do for him. The thought alone made him smile and the moment Christian was behind the wheel he slid up against his side.

“Thought about putting my head in your lap but there’s not enough you in that plan, gonna do this instead.” Chad grabbed Christian’s arm the moment after he turned the key in the ignition and slipped it over his shoulders, curling up against his body as much as he could.

"Sap," Christian muttered. But, even as he said it he curled his arm tighter around Chad. Air began to rush in the window as the truck picked up speed and Christian smiled as Chad's breathing even out. Lost or not, he was happier than hell.

Chad rolled the roasting stick slowly between his fingers, letting the marshmallow on the tip catch on fire before he pulled it up and blew it out. There was a snort from the side of him and Chad rolled his eyes. “Hey man, you may like your marshmallows all pale and pasty but I need mine with some color.” There was no logic to that and Chad threw Christian a grin.

"Not much of an outdoorsman, are ya?" Christian winked at his boyfriend and leaned back against the log he'd dragged over, draping his arm over Chad's lap. The cold soda from the cooler didn't really compare to a nice chilled beer in front of a fire but it would do.

“You wouldn’t like me as much if I was. Then I’d be all butch. You wouldn’t like me all butch.” Chad wrinkled his nose up at his boyfriend and pulled the skin off his marshmallow, chewing happily on it. He offered the goo remaining to Christian and grinned. “I know you wanna get all messy with my white stuff.” What? Chad could act like a kid every now and again.

Christian shoved the stick away. "God, that's gross." Laughing he squeezed Chad's thigh and leaned his head against his boyfriend's arm. "So ... you're happy, right?"

“Ridiculously so,” Chad muttered, pulling the white goo off and plopping it in his mouth. He huffed at the sticky mess on his fingers then glanced down at the top of Christian’s head. “Are... I mean, you are too right?”

“What? Yeah, Jesus. I just - I wanted to make sure. I mean - God, forget it.” Christian shook his head and looked up, frowning at Chad’s fingers. He grabbed Chad’s wrist and tugged his hand down until he could suck the sticky marshmallow off his fingers. “Not bad,” he said when he’d licked them almost clean.

“What?” Chad whispered, distracted by the wet heat of Christian’s mouth on his skin. “I um, what were you going to say?” Chad reached up with his clean hand and tipped Christian’s head back with fingers under his chin. “You know I never make fun of you or anything for things you say.”

Christian shrugged slightly and lowered his gaze. "I just. I'm tryin'. Just wanted to make sure that I was doin' okay." He let out a sigh and gripped Chad's wrist tightly. "Just wanna know I'm doin' good by you. You're - you deserve it."

The swell in Chad’s heart made him smile and he leaned forward, gently kissing Christian, slipping his tongue forward to share the taste of marshmallow. He pulled back after a moment and laughed softly. “Christian, you’re doing very good by me. This, the whole thing is amazing. Even sleeping out under the stars. Hell, just the fact that you’re meeting my parents. It’s all amazing.” Chad stroked his hand back through Christian’s hair.

“Ya think they’ll even like me?” Christian tilted his head back and stared at the stars for a few moments before closing his eyes and focusing on the gentleness of Chad’s touch.

“I think they will,” Chad whispered, marveling at his boyfriend. He’d never seen this side of Christian before, the whole trip seemed to bring it out in him. Chad didn’t think it was possible but he felt he was falling even more in love with the man than he was before. “You’ll go in there with your southern charm and woo my mom. Then you’ll watch a game with my dad and impress him. By the time we leave they’ll be wondering why you aren’t their son.”

“What was it like? Growing up … for you, I mean.” Christian didn’t much like talking about his own childhood but he realized that he didn’t really know a lot about what it was like for Chad. “What kind of kid were you?” He offered the still cool soda can to Chad and turned into him slightly.

Chad hummed thoughtfully, trying to think of a way to describe his life as a child. “Well, I was an only child, so you know how that goes. I spent a lot of time playing with myself.” Chad looked over at Christian and laughed. “You know, imaginary friends, not... yeah. Anyway, my parents worked a lot, so I spent most of my time alone or with a sitter. Never had a lot of friends at school. Though I did really get into school, the learning part. Guess that’s why I am like I am now. You know, a geek.” Chad snorted and shifted until he could wrap his arm around Christian’s back. “Pretty boring I guess.”

“I don’t think you’re boring it all. You’re one of the smartest people I know.” Smiling Christian stared into the flames. “Did you always know what you wanted to be? What you were interested in?”

Chad let his fingers casually shift up through Christian’s hair, smoothing back the dark wavy locks. He turned to press his lips to the top of the man’s head. “Science was my favorite subject in school. But, man, I’ve hardly decided what I want to do now as it is. When I was younger, it was just about learning, with no real goal in mind. Too much other stuff to figure out.”

“And what about guys? When did you first know - that you wanted to see guys?” Christian knew it wasn’t a very subtle segue but it had been on his mind. “I mean, you tell everyone. Well, you don’t _tell_ everyone but you don’t ever hide it. That’s pretty confident.”

Christian wished he could dig up some of that confidence himself; give himself a reason to be more out and not worry about the consequences. _Chad_ was a hell of a reason to be more open but Christian still hadn’t sorted out the music stuff.

“Well I knew, all my life I guess. I just never had interest in girls and there was really no one around to tell me that wasn’t normal. So when puberty came around, I just, found myself more attracted to guys. High school I started out trying to be out, but then I learned pretty quickly that it _wasn’t_ normal, and I kept my mouth shut.” Sighing, Chad shrugged and pushed a hand back through his hair.

“Anyway, when I finally worked up the courage to come out to my parents, I realized how important that was. When you hide something like that, something so _huge_ , I think it slowly starts to kill you. I mean, maybe not so dramatic but I felt it, like a stifling pressure. So even though my parents weren’t so keen on the idea, I decided to just stay out of the closet, going into college.” Chad laughed softly and shook his head. “Long story not so short.”

“You never been with a woman?” Christian shifted a little and looked up at Chad. The fire was reflecting in his eyes, his cheeks rosy from the heat of the flames.

Chad felt the heat of a blush crawl across his cheeks and stain his face. He looked out to the darkness beyond the fire and shrugged. “No. Just, you and Jared. That’s it.” Chad had occasionally wondered if he should have more experience than that but it was kind of too late for that. And he really had no interest in girls at all.

“An’ you never wanted to? Never felt it at all?” Christian was a little surprised. He assumed that most men had experimented.

“No, I never wanted to.” Chad blinked, frowning turning his lips down as his gaze shifted over to Christian. “I’m gay. Just gay. There’s no, straight man part of me. I know it’s different for some people but I have no desire to experience anything with a woman. Not that they’re not beautiful, I can admit that, but you could put me in front of a naked woman and I’d be about as turned on as I would be in front of a naked Steve.” Chad had to laugh at that thought, fingers lifting to rub against his eyes.

Laughing, Christian rubbed a hand across his chest. "Steve has that effect on a lot of people." Sighing he watched the fire sparking as it died down a little. "You're different for me. I mean..." He frowned as he tried to mold his thoughts into the _right_ words. "I mean, I see a lot of good lookin' men and don't feel anything. I see women - I feel somethin' sometimes... you. You're different. I saw you and it felt like someone was tryin'a rip my guts out through my chest."

Tilting his head up to the moonlight Christian gazed up at Chad. “Sounds crazy probably. I just knew I nee- I wanted you. I wanted to touch you, be near you. Like somehow, being near you would make everything different. Better,” he added softly.

Chad’s heart skittered in his chest and he closed his eyes for a moment then smiled, leaning down so his forehead could rest against Christian’s. “And still you fought me every step of the way. If I hadn’t been so stubborn you probably would have fucked me up on that mountain than never seen me again.” Chad spoke against Christian’s lips, fingers moving to curve along the man’s neck and mark the slow race of his pulse.

"I dunno 'bout that," Christian murmured. Curling his fingers over the nape of Chad's neck he held him there for a few long beats of his heart. "You have any regrets about your life?" When he pulled back a little he couldn't resist trailing his thumb along Chad's bottom lip.

“I think everyone does,” Chad whispered, a little surprised by the way his heart was beating faster. This whole moment, the fire, the starry night and this quiet conversation, made Chad feel like he was in some wonderful, isolated little bubble with Christian. “But if you’re asking if I regret anything when it comes to you, I don’t. The good and bad, it’s - there’s no part of me that doesn’t want that.” Chad stared into Christian’s almost grey eyes and swallowed thickly. “Do you?”

Christian crossed his ankles, blocking some of the firelight with his boots. "Aw, yeah. I - so many things, you know? Should have taken a different path. Sometimes, I lie in bed at night and watch you and think about the things that I would change if I could go back but then -" Christian's throat tightened a little and he rubbed at his chest again. "Fuck, I dunno. I mean, if I did everything right - what if I never met you?" Blinking, he turned his gaze back to Chad for a moment but had to look away quickly.

“Probably wouldn’t have. I guess that’s why some people say they try not to regret things about life, you know, that every decision good or bad leads to some path meant for you.” Chad leaned forward, letting his lips rest by Christian’s ear as his hand moved once more back through his hair. “I can’t imagine not knowing you,” he breathed, soft smile playing across his lips.

Christian lips twitched into a slight smile and he leaned a little closer to Chad. "I lied. If I could take anything back - it would be ... that night you found me with - well -" clearing his throat, Christian sighed shakily. Yeah, they'd moved past it, for the most part, but Christian knew that some of his decisions would haunt him, and some hurts might heal but they left a scar.

Pulling back a little, Chad grasped Christian’s chin and turned him so their eyes could meet. He stared into his boy’s eyes long enough to catch the flicker of fire dancing past for just a moment before he cleared his throat. “Would you cheat on me now?”

Christian frowned and shook his head slowly. "No, I wouldn't. But I'm just sayin' - I live with that - the way you looked at me." He didn't add that he still wondered if Chad thought about it. Christian figured he had no right to know.

Frowning, Chad looked away and scratched at his jaw. “Sometimes, my mind goes back to all of that, the way things happened... It still pinches in my chest.” Chad looked back at Christian, not liking the way Christian’s eyes looked so dark with concern, sadness. He stroked along the stubble on the man’s skin and shook his head. “But then I remember how far we’ve come, and how loyal and faithful you are now. You’ve changed and I _know_ you’d never do anything. I never doubt that you love me, I guess you just have to be the one to stop beating yourself up over it.”

“I think I deserve to be beat up a while.” Christian turned away and rubbed at his eyes. “You tired?”

“No, hey, Christian,” Chad whispered, his voice tight as he reached out to cup the man’s cheek once more. “Why? Why should you be beat up over something I’ve fully forgiven? God, you know I love you more than life itself, and you love me, so why hold onto mistakes?”

"Don't, Chad." Christian pulled away slightly and sighed again. "I just - some things I can't forgive myself for. It's nothin' about you - it's just...I still feel sick, like fuckin' dirty inside when I think about it - like it's somethin' I can't ever scrub off. You? You're so fuckin' perfect. Beautiful." He stared at Chad for a few moments then smiled. "Don't want that to change."

“I’m not anywhere close to perfect.” Chad frowned and slid his arms across his chest, shrugging and looking over at the truck. “So you wanna sleep now or something?” Chad didn’t get it, why Christian couldn’t let it go, and he kind of hated that he couldn’t convince the man to not hate himself over it. But then, Christian had always been more complex than people thought.

"Wanna lie down and get comfy? You could - I mean, I like you tellin' me stuff about you." Smile widening slightly, Christian groaned as he stretched his back out over the log. As soon as he was on his feet he held out a hand to pull Chad up into his arms. "You are perfect. Don't argue." His lips moved against Chad's collar bone as he spoke and for some reason Christian just felt heavy and tired and rested his cheek on Chad's shoulder for the span of a few breaths.

“Why not? You get to argue.” Chad slipped his arms around Christian, letting his head rest against Christian’s. “It makes me sad that you hold so much against yourself. Feels like, you can’t ever really, truly let go. Like you’re always holding something back.” He rocked them back and forth for a moment then shrugged. “Let’s lay down.”

"I'm holding on by my fingertips sometimes, Chad." Christian stepped back and walked around the fire, hands stuffed in his pockets. He kicked at the rocks around the fire and then walked back to the tailgate and hopped up on it. "I want a drink all the time," he said softly. “I don’t say it ‘cause I don’t want you to think that I’m gonna do anything about it. Or that I will - even when I’m not sure. Don’t want you to have to worry ‘bout it okay?”

Chad kind of hated the way Christian always felt the need to pull away when they talked about anything serious. So he walked slowly over to the tailgated and pushed his way between Christian’s legs, letting his hands card back through the man’s hair. “Too late for that. I do worry, all the time Christian. Not because I think you will, but because I know how it’s a day to day thing. Everything I’ve read, god Christian, do you even know how strong you are? Most people can’t make it this far. And you? You slipped up one night and managed to turn around from that too.”

Blowing out a low breath, Chad dragged his thumb across Christian’s jaw, watching it move. “I believe in you. One day, sometime in the future, you’ll realize it’s been days since you thought about drinking and it’ll feel _so_ good. Then it’ll be weeks. And yeah you’ll still be tempted but, I’ll be there.” Chad smiled softly and leaned in, letting his forehead once more bump against Christian’s. “So all you gotta do is believe that I’m gonna be there, deal?”

“The guys want to go on tour in the Fall. What then?” Christian had thought about telling Chad about the tour a thousand times and he kept hoping that it would fall through, that somehow - it just wouldn’t end up working out. The problem was that everyone was committed to making it work and now they had Karen doing P.R. for the band, Christian knew it was a done deal.

“Oh.” Chad’s hand dropped and he straightened up, looking at Christian and trying to school back his surprise and maybe fear. _Tour_. On the road with his friends and _Steve_. Christian would face a thousand and one temptations and Chad wouldn’t be able to intervene. “Guess that’s not something Karen would want me tagging along on.” Chad smiled wryly down at his hands before sighing and stepping back to slide a hand through his hair. “I guess, you’ll just have to call, whenever you feel...” Chad trailed of, not completely confident that a phone call would be enough.

"You'll have a job by then anyway, right? And - _Jesus_ , I don't want you livin' like that." Christian's voice was soft and he held out his hand. "Come back." Lately, he wanted Chad as close as possible like somehow he might be running out of time.

Sighing softly, Chad stepped into Christian, letting his hand rest on the man’s thigh. “It’s not a matter of the job thing. I... you know I would get the time off, or something. I’d come on tour with you, even with Steve there, no matter what Karen says.” Chad leaned into his boyfriend, laying his head on the man’s shoulder. Everything felt so _heavy_ all of a sudden. “But that’s not what you...”

"What I don't want is you havin' to sleep in cramped, shitty hotel rooms, never gettin' enough sleep, fightin' with Steve - or even having to be around him. It's smoky, the food sucks, your ass gets flat from sittin' in the van. It's not like this." Christian's arms were so tight around Chad he wasn't sure the man could still breathe. "God, I wish we could do this forever. Just you and me."

Chad wasn’t going to tell Christian it was his choice. After all, they _couldn’t_ just stay on the road forever, but Christian didn’t have to live in the life he chose. Sure it would suck to find a new band but Chad thought Christian could go it solo even, get a record deal on his own. Instead he swallowed a thick sigh and nodded. “If only.”

“So.” Christian’s voice was muffled as he buried his face in Chad’s hair. “If you had a million dollars what would you do?” One hand slid up into Chad’s hair, the other slipping under the hem of his shirt.

“Pay for you to go solo,” Chad muttered, frowning a moment later. He hadn’t meant to say that really. “Get a house or something. Save up for the future.”

Laughing, Christian pulled back a little and met his boyfriend’s gaze. “You’re my biggest fan - you would say that. I wanna ask you somethin’ and it’s okay if you say no.” Bringing his hand forward Christian smoothed at the frown lines on Chad’s forehead.

“That gives me real positive feelings.” Chad laughed softly and curled his fingers a little into Christian’s thigh. “Ask away Batman.”

“When we’re done this visit, this trip. Move in for real. Get rid of your place and stay at our place. All the time. Be there while I’m gone and be waiting for me when I come home.” Christian swallowed his nerves and laughed shakily. “You don’t have to answer now, you can take time.”

“There’s really no appropriate answer but duh.” Chad grinned at his boyfriend, shaking his head slowly. “Christian, you know I want that. More than anything. Save me some money too.” Chad pressed forward, lips sliding across Christian’s and lingering for a moment before he pulled back. “What if you get home first? Gonna wait around for me to come home?”

“I would wait my whole life for you to come home.” Christian voice broke slightly and he laughed to cover it, dropping his gaze.

“Makes you not so rugged when you say things like that,” Chad murmured and tipped his boyfriend’s head back once more. “I kind of love that I get to see you like this, when no one else does.”

Forcing his eyes to Chad's, Christian smiled slightly. "What? All sappy and messed up?" Hooking his legs around Chad's Christian slid his hands down into Chad's back pockets. "You know there's snakes out here right?"

“You’re just saying that, to keep me from saying good things about you or whatever.” Chad huffed and shifted a little closer to Christian, as if he could. “Yes, sappy and maybe a little messed up but I’m here, I’ll put your pieces back together.”

“Safer in the truck,” Christian whispered. He shifted back a little and looked down into the darkness. “Could be anything down there.”

Chad lasted half a minute at the most before he scrambled up onto the truck, over the sleeping bags Christian had already laid out. “Fucker,” he grumbled, slipping his shoes off and wiggling his way under the sleeping bag. “You think you’re so manly.”

"You think I'm rugged now, don't ya. You know who'll take care of ya, baby." Laughing softly, Christian yanked his boots off and left them sitting on the open tailgate. The fire was fading and Christian sighed as he looked around them.

Crawling up beside Chad he struggled out of his jeans and tossed them aside then slipped under the top sleeping bag. Nestling down onto the soft foam he wriggled slightly, then punched at his pillow. “Not so bad, is it?”

“If it rains in the middle of the night I’m going to hate you a little,” Chad whispered, fighting against the sudden chill that hit him. He wasn’t an _outdoors_ person, Christian knew this and probably got a real kick out of this whole thing. His teeth chattered together for a moment before he clasped his jaw hard together.

"Cold?" Christian turned his head on the pillow and stared at Chad. "You know what the best way to warm up is, right?"

“Be indoors?” Chad suggested, twisting around to smirk at his boyfriend.

"Fine, smart ass. You can find out on your own." Christian laughed and rolled over onto his side. "And it's not gonna rain, not a cloud in the sky."

“Whatever,” Chad grumbled and wiggled back into his sleeping bag until his head disappeared under the top. It was _way_ too freezing, he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t noticed that before.

"Stubborn," Christian muttered. Rolling back over toward Chad, Christian reached out and dragged the zipper on Chad's sleep bag as far down as he could then undid his own. “Get yer ass up.”

“You’re fuckin’ kiddin’ me,” Chad said through the clatter of his teeth, the argument not going anywhere considering he was already doing what Christian instructed. His body shook and he considered pulling his jeans back on just so he didn’t freeze some valuable man parts off. “Christian.”

Christian moved quickly, zipping the bags together and then holding one side open for Chad. "Get in before you pathetic yourself to death." He laughed through Chad's filthy glare and through him clambering back into the bag and disappearing underneath.

As soon as Christian was inside he zipped up the bag and wriggled closer to Chad. "You still in here?"

“No I’ve patheticed myself to death,” Chad grumbled, moving back toward Christian instinctively. “Remember like, a half an hour ago? When you were being all sweet and romantic and making my heart race?” He kept his back to Christian just so his grin wouldn’t be so obvious.

Pressing up against Chad's back, Christian laughed against the nape of the man's neck. "I remember, was a weak moment. 'Course, some people might argue that sharin' my body heat with you is pretty romantic." He slipped an arm under Chad's neck and the other slid over his side so he could keep him close.

“That’s called being a gentleman. Being romantic, that’s you saying all those sweet things.” Chad sighed and closed his eyes, letting his arm curl over Christian’s. “Was nice,” he whispered and slid his leg back to capture one of Christian’s and pull it between his own. “Must be the die hard romantic in me.”

"Really made your heart race?" Christian nosed through Chad's hair until he could kiss the smooth skin on the back of his neck.

“Really did.” Chad figured if he kept his eyes closed he could convince himself he they weren’t outside in the middle of nowhere.

"Just told the truth. Better do that more often," Christian whispered. He felt goose bumps pebble Chad's flesh and smiled. "That me or the cold?"

“If I say you are you gonna get a big ego about it?” Chad laughed softly and rocked back against Christian.

"Sometimes, when you say my name I feel this ... like a cold wave go down my body. Like frost...or somethin'. Can't even describe it. S'good." Christian's palm moved over Chad's hip and across his belly, rubbing gently. "Sometimes, when you are asleep and you roll into me, your hand finds mine without you _even_ wakin' up and I kiss you." He lifted a finger to corner of Chad's mouth and pressed it there gently. "Kiss you right there, and you try to find my mouth, asleep. Makes it hard to breathe." Christian held tight to Chad so he couldn't turn to see his face; he was too sure it would give away just how much he felt.

“Yeah?” Chad whispered, riding out the soft shiver of pleasure at Christian’s words. He had no idea he did those things in his sleep and it made him grin just thinking about it. “Kinda like when I wake up to go to the bathroom and have to fight for five minutes to get out of your arms, then another five minutes to get my pillow back since you always snatch it to cling to while I’m gone.” Chad laughed, shaking his head.

"I do _not_ do that," Christian protested softly. He sighed happily, his muscles twitching slightly as he relaxed against the heat of Chad's body. His fingers found the soft dusting of hair just below Chad's belly button and he traced a small heart there. "You think I don't know what you're drawin' on my chest when you're makin' little hearts there." Grinning, he pressed a trail of kisses down the length of Chad's neck.

A soft moan fell from Chad and he let his head dip forward so Christian’s lips could touch every inch of his skin. It was impossible not to be addicted to the man. “Kinda like you wouldn’t tell me you love me until after I was asleep for months? But I always heard you.” Chad was definitely starting to rethink his ideas about sleeping outside being bad.

"There's another sure fire way to keep safe in the outdoors," Christian murmured. His voice was thick and rich, and he kept it low. As his lips moved down Chad's neck, then across his shoulder, Christian's fingertips tucked under his boyfriend's boxers.

“Yeah? Bet you could show me what that is,” Chad exhaled the words and shifted to give Christian’s hands more room. This road trip thing really was a good idea.


	2. Chapter 2

“Look, there’s something I should tell you.” Chad looked at the oh-so-familiar street he’d known his whole life and cleared his throat, looking over at Christian. “My mom, she’s my step mom. I don’t know if it’ll come up, but just, yeah. If it does or something.” Chad shrugged and looked away once more. He didn’t really like talking about this, _at all_ , which is why he probably had yet to bring it up to the man he loved.

“You what? Now? You tell me that now? What happened?” Christian pulled the truck over to the side of the street and turned to look at Chad. “What happened to your Mom?”

Groaning softly, Chad slid his hand back through his hair and twisted the seat belt slowly. He knew he should have talked to Christian about this earlier, it was too hard to talk about though. Even now, trying to get the words out almost felt painful. “She just, she left. When I was ten. No big deal, I call my step mom my mom, so that’s that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Christian reached across the seat and curled his fingers over Chad’s. Chad looked like he was ready to have some kind of breakdown and Christian leaned a little closer. “You know that - I mean you can tell me anything.”

“I know. It’s not -” Chad exhaled heavily and shifted in his seat, giving up on the seat belt thing and turning to face Christian. “It was never because I thought you’d freak out or something. That had nothing to do with it. It just... it hurts to talk about. I try and pretend it didn’t happen, as much as I can. So, that’s just, it’s just life.”

“Okay,” Christian said softly. His fingers lifted to brush Chad’s cheek. “It’s okay.” He smiled sadly and squeezed Chad’s shoulder. “You wanna sit here for a few minutes?”

Chad shifted in his seat, staring out the front windshield. There were so many things about this street he could remember. Walking to school, riding his bike, the large willow tree in their front yard that he could already see. “She watched me walk down the street.” Chad’s eyes shot over to Christian than away, his shoulder lifting in a half shrug in time with his completely humorless laugh. “That day, you know? I can still remember her, always so put together, hair curled, makeup on. She waved and told me she was making my favorite lasagna for dinner.”

A small, slightly pained hiss fell from his lips and he leaned forward, digging his fingers into his hair, “But she just wasn’t there. I came home from school and she was just _gone_. And I thought maybe she was at the store. I sat under the willow with my book and waited. But she just never came home. And I sat outside until it was dark. God. Who the fuck does that?” Chad wiped angrily at his eyes and shook his head. “Forget it. I don’t - I just don’t think about this.”

“Jesus.” Christian slid across the seat and pulled Chad against his side. “I don’t even - I don’t know what to say. No one should do that - no one.” Shaking his head, Christian kisses Chad’s temple and smoothed his hair back. Anger surged through him and he pulled Chad closer.

Chad curved into the heat of Christian and buried his face in the man’s neck, sucking in a sob. “I tried so hard to just not think about it.” He groaned once more and shifted back slightly, blinking tears from his eyes. “This is why I don’t tell people.”

Christian's fingers threaded through Chad's hair. "Shh, it's okay. It's - you don't have to talk about it anymore, okay? I'm sorry... I didn't mean to push." Tilting his head slightly, Christian smiled and wiped at the tears on Chad's cheeks.

“It’s not your fault,” Chad murmured and leaned into Christian’s touch, giving him a small smile. “I, part of me thinks the sane thing is to tell people. I mean, I’ve kept it to myself for thirteen years now.” Chad laughed weakly and shifted closer to Christian. “Okay, so, that’s - it’ll explain some stuff okay? Like why all the family pictures that are up are taken when I was twelve or older. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I know I should have.”

“Chad, it’s okay. Maybe not the best timing...” Christian laughed softly. “But I’m glad you told me. _Really_ glad, okay?” Smile still lingering, Christian leaned back against the seat. “We gonna stay here for the night or you wanna introduce me to your folks?”

“Okay, yeah,” Chad mumbled, suddenly not all that inclined to head the rest of the way down the street to his old home. “Let’s go and do this.”

“Love bein’ in the south. Feels different.” Christian pulled away from the curb again and drove slowly up the street.

“Feels pretty dang familiar to me,” Chad muttered and pointed out his house. “Whenever I come here I swear it never feels like I left. You get that feeling when you’re at home? Like, everything’s so familiar and like you never left?” Chad laughed, looked over at Christian. “Now I’m all flustered. I really should have told you sooner.”

“Can your Mom cook? I could use some down home cookin’.” Christian grinned and winked at Chad. “Think I’m gettin’ a little too thin.” Distracting Chad was never easy when it came to emotions but Christian did his best.

“No, she can’t cook for the life of her. Dad can though, so it’ll be okay.” Chad laughed once more and pointed to the spot in front of his old house for Christian to park. “Mom can bake pretty well, lord knows how that works. I’m sure by the time we leave you’ll need a diet.”

“Me? Nah, I can pack it away like you wouldn’t believe. Need to be fed.” Smirking, Christian parked the truck and turned off the ignition. “So, if they hate me we’re leaving, right?”

“They’re not going to hate you,” Chad insisted, for the millionth time and shook his head. “But yes Christian, I promise, if for some reason they hate you, we will leave immediately. Maybe drive up to New York.” Chad looked toward the house, smiling at the flicker of the shades. “I think mom’s been watching for us. Better go in before she sends out the troops.” Chad kicked the door open and turned back to look at Christian. “Did I mention she’s got like, six dogs?”

"Dogs? I love dogs." It took a few moments for the _six_ part of it to sink in. Christian grabbed their bags and followed Chad along the sidewalk. "Are they _real_ dogs? They're not the kind that you carry around in a purse are they?"

“Oh, they’re real dogs. My mom’s not _that_ kind of southern woman, you know, beauty queen and all that nonsense.” Chad grasped Christian’s arm, squeezing softly. “Just, with the big one, try not to make eye contact. Because if you do he -”

“Chad!” The door was thrown up before they could even make it up the second step and Chad just had time to brace himself before he was rocking back from a sudden, tight hug. “We thought you boys would be earlier, I was starting to worry.”

Chad could feel the heat of a flush and tried to school it back as he hugged his mom until she stepped back. “Yeah well, we had a few extra stops, unplanned. Mighta got lost, which wasn’t my fault. Anyway, Mom this is Christian. Christian, my mom Tami.”

Christian dropped the bags quickly and stepped forward. Taking her hand he smiled warmly. “Nice to meet you, Ma’am. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Chad had to look away to keep from laughing when his mom’s eyes got saucer wide and her cheeks grew flushed. He sure knew that feeling, being on the receiving end of Christian’s southern charm.

“Well, Christian, I’ve heard a lot about you too. You’re... just as handsome as Chad insisted you were. I swear if I had a dime for every minute Chad went on about you, I’d own all of America by now.”

“God, Mom, please,” Chad mumbled, coughing a moment later and looking at Christian. “She’s lying, I don’t talk about you that much.”

Ducking his head down slightly, Christian peered across at Chad from under his lashes. "Aw, Ma'am. Chad is biased but I do my best to live up to his expectations." Reaching out, Christian hooked his fingers through Chad’s.

Chad’s heart skipped a beat and he beamed at Christian for a long beat, leaning in to gently kiss him until the clear of a man’s throat had him shifting back. “Uh, hey. Dad.” Not the first impression Chad was going for but whatever, they had to do this. “This is -”

“You could bring the bags in first, so the dogs don’t get out.” Chad’s dad nodded at him with a brief smile before turning to head back into the house.

Wincing, Chad looked between Christian and his mom. “Well, alright.”

“He’s gonna be fine, I swear Chad. Just, adjusting. Christian, let me help with those, I can show you to Chad’s room.” Tami swept in, all southern hospitality. Chad wasn’t sure why he’d forgotten how _polite_ people were.

“Sorry,” Christian whispered. He grabbed the bags and stood there, feeling a little like he should grab Chad instead and head for the truck quickly.

“Don’t be, it’ll be fine,” Chad murmured back, laying his hand in the middle of Christian’s back and rubbing softly. “All good?” He could feel his mom’s watchful eyes, maybe curious, but Chad just smiled softly at Christian.

“If you are,” Christian said quietly. “You’re my man, I stick with you.” Winking, Christian tried to look like he was calm even though his stomach was churning.

“Yeah. Mom, I think I’ll show Christian up to the room. Then we’ll be down to chat with Dad, okay?” Chad smiled at his mom who nodded with a sympathetic smile.

“You boys just do whatever you think is best. Christian, I’ve got some coffee on? Or there’s soda, I bought Chad’s favorite.” Tami beamed at him, stepping back to guide them into the house.

Christian followed his boyfriend into the house. It was cool inside which was a bit of a relief and as far as Christian could see it was a typical southern home. There was comfortable furniture in the living room and there were photos of the family scattered about on most of the flat surfaces.

He heard the clatter of claws on the hardwood floor a few moments before the entire floor suddenly seemed to be alive and furry. Stumbling slightly, Christian leaned against Chad. “Whoa.”

“Sorry, kind of a force to be reckoned with,” Chad laughed as he pushed at the dogs, petting whichever one was close enough. “You just gotta push! You can make it!” Chad hollered over the yapping of the dogs. He managed to grab Christian’s arm and tug him through the dogs, down the hall and into the room. He slapped the door close, falling against it heavily. “We’ll say hi to them in a minute.”

His bedroom looked, almost exactly the same. The bed had been switched out to a bigger one - which might have been a new addition - but there was still his giant bookshelf, all his things from high school. “Um, so this is my room.”

Blinking slowly, Christian looked around the room. When his eyes moved over a Star Trek poster he glanced back at Chad with one eyebrow raised. "I'm dating a nerd," he said softly. Laughing he dropped the bags and walked over to slip his arms around Chad's waist. "Are you still a nerd, Chad?"

“I’ve never denied or hidden that part of me. Doesn’t make me that unappealing right?” Chad murmured and let his arms fall onto Christian’s shoulders, dipping down to brush their lips together. He’d kind of forgotten that Christian was going to see his room.

Christian nipped at Chad's bottom lip. "Kinda like the idea of being here with you, bet you had some good fantasies goin' in that bed." His nose twitched as he tried not to smile. "Wait. You never brought Jared here, did you?"

“No. You’re the very first,” Chad said softly, trying not to give his boyfriend _that_ look. The one Christian said was clearly amusement at Christian’s sake. “As for fantasies, well, yeah. Definitely more than a few. Nerd or not, I knew how to imagine.”

Lowering his hands to Chad’s hips, Christian finally grinned. “Maybe, later we could act some of ‘em out.” Maybe he _was_ trying not to think about what was going on outside the door. The look that he’s glimpsed on Chad’s father’s face didn’t bode well for the weekend.

“With my parents home? Mm that’s a little kinky.” Chad laughed and pressed forward to capture Christian’s lips in a slow kiss. He pulled back after moments, a soft hum falling from him. “You know we can’t put off seeing my Dad right?”

Wincing, Christian blew out a breath. “I don’t think he liked me.”

“Pretty sure it was the me kissing you thing. Probably shouldn’t do that in front of him much.” Chad frowned, looking over Christian’s shoulder for a moment then back at his boyfriend. “This’ll be okay right?”

Christian’s brow furrowed. “So, sometimes, it’s okay to not be so gay.” There was a fleeting look of pain of Chad’s face and Christian regretted the words immediately.

Staring at Christian for a long moment, Chad let his arms drop and frowned. “There’s a difference in being open and rubbing it in someone’s face.” He was starting to get a bad feeling about this whole visit thing.

Nodding, Christian circled his fingers around Chad's wrist. "I'm sorry - you didn't deserve that. I'm just nervous. I say stupid shit when I'm nervous." Tugging until Chad stepped closer, Christian leaned up to pressed his lips to Chad's forehead. "Tell me you forgive me."

“Yeah, I do.” Chad nodded just barely and tried not to slump against Christian. He had the sudden intense desire to just _leave_. “Try not to say anything too stupid to my Dad? Just, you know, to be safe. Save it for me or something.”

“I promise to behave. I’ll be real butch and I won’t touch you, okay?” Bending his knees slightly, Christian dipped down so Chad would have to look into his eyes. “We’ll be fine, your Mom loves me, right?” He hated seeing Chad stressed and would have given anything to be back on the road again.

“She does. And you know, Christian, it doesn’t mean _no_ touching. Just no kissing okay? Until we see how my dad reacts.” Chad gave Christian a small smile then nodded. “Come on, let’s just get it over with. Like ripping off a Band-Aid.”

“Okay Chad.” Christian pressed in quickly and captured Chad’s lips with his. It was bruising, the way their lips moved together and he felt a little overheated as Chad’s body melted against his. Finally pulled back slightly, Christian ran his hands down over Chad’s ass. “Just storin’ up,” he whispered against his boyfriend’s lips.

“And makin’ it hard to imagine going out there,” Chad grumbled and pressed into the kiss once more. When he pulled back he was breathless and Christian’s lips were just the right side of swollen. “Look at it this way, we just have to make it through dinner and maybe some evening TV then we can call it an early night. Okay?”

Christian's lashes fell to his cheeks for a few moments and then he smiled and opened his eyes. "Yeah, I'm good." Adjusting his jeans, Christian ran his hands through his hair and licked his lips. "How do I look?"

“I’d do ya.” Chad grinned and smacked Christian’s ass before nudging him back and grabbing his hand. “Through the dogs we go once more!” He tugged the door open and pulled Christian out into the hall, through the dogs that were automatically jumping at their feet. They stopped as Christian and Chad crossed into the living room and Chad laughed, looking over at his boyfriend. “They’re very well trained dogs, know where they’re not allowed.”

Walking backwards a few steps Christian stared. “That’s kind of amazing.” He’d never seen anything quite like it. Although, having six dogs lurking along the edge of the living room made him feel a little like he was being hunted.

“Mom’s worked hard at that.” Chad laughed once more, stopping when they rounded the corner into the kitchen and stood face to face with his dad. “Hey, Dad. Got our stuff situated. Didn’t get to introduce you earlier. This is Christian. Christian, this is my dad Rex.”

“Hello, Sir. Nice to meet you.” Christian extended his hand and for the longest few seconds of his life - waited while Rex stood there and then slowly raised his hand. He gave his best and firmest handshake and smiled. “Thank you for having us in your home, Sir.”

“Uh, yeah. It’s, you know, still Chad’s home. Always will be.” The man nodded and dropped his hand, rubbing along the back of his neck instead. “Chad, Tami had to run out real fast to pick up some things for dinner. I was going to watch the game so you two can do, whatever.”

“We’ll watch with you,” Chad said quickly, looking over at Christian. He wouldn’t ever tell his dad that he’d been having his boyfriend teach him more about football for this one reason alone. But the look of surprise on the man’s face was pretty clear. “That okay Christian?”

“Titans against the Colts? Wouldn’t miss it.” Christian grinned and shoved his hands in his pockets so he didn’t reach for Chad. “Which way to the TV?”

Chad had never been more relieved to see a smile on his father’s face. He knew he hadn’t exactly been the most ideal son, never knowing enough about any sport to have a real conversation, and he was glad Christian could connect with him that way. “Just follow him, I’ll get us some drinks.” Chad laid his hand over Christian’s arm, giving him a soft smile. “Coffee?”

Christian nodded and waited until Rex’s back was turned before pressing a quick kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. “I’m a ninja,” he whispered before grinning and heading off after Chad’s father.

The weight that had settled over Chad’s shoulders felt lighter now and he laughed softly, shaking his head as he headed further into the kitchen. When he finally made it to the living room his dad and Christian were talking over each other, debating tactics or something, and Chad grinned. At least he didn’t have to BS his way through the sports conversations any longer.

Christian reached up and adjusted his rear view mirror and stretched his arm along the back of the seat. “I’m gonna write a song about all the places we go. Make it real _straight_. Karen will be so happy.” He sneered and tilted his head slightly before rolling his eyes as he looked over at Chad.

“Real straight?” Chad repeated, scratching along his jaw as he considered what exactly that meant. “Like, you’re gonna sing about how much you love pussy and how you wanna knock some woman up and keep her barefoot and pregnant for years?” Chad blinked and looked over at Christian. “Or whatever the fuck straight country songs are about?”

"Kinda like that Willie Nelson one. What the fuck is that called?" Christian scratched at the side of his nose and looked out at the road that lay ahead of them. "Hah! _To All the Girls I've Loved Before_. You ever heard that one? Terrible," he muttered. “Barefoot and pregnant? Seriously?”

“Dude I don’t know. I’m a science guy, you know, experiments and theories and nothing creative in the slightest. Really though, is it just gonna be an ode to girls?” Chad was fairly   
certain that was a song he wouldn’t be too interested in hearing.

“Yeah, get her off my ass. People can listen to it if they want, I don’t give a shit. I’ve decided. I’m just -well - yeah. I’m not sure actually what I’ve decided except that she’ll have to just put up with that.” Christian shrugged. “Doesn’t matter if I’m not kissin’ you, or holdin’ you - anyone with the sense of a billy goat will see how much I love you.”

Looking slowly over at his boyfriend, Chad’s lips twitched around the smile he was fighting off. “Sense of a billy goat eh? Well then, clearly everyone will just know.” Chad was going for humor because he felt something close to anger and extreme sadness if he thought about the whole _pretending_ thing too long.

Christian hummed softly for a few moments then burst out with some lyrics he'd been working on. " _My girl, she's American made. Yeah, my girl, she's American made. She loves flag flying, hot apple pie, cold beer at a football game._ " He hummed a few more bars then sang, " _Well, there's a Tennessee boy who will always have a place in my heart - that's right. And those Broadway beauties, they sure know how to play their parts._ "

Glancing over at Chad, Christian grinned. "I'm never changin' that line, she can pitch whatever fit she wants. Screw her."

The song was kind of sending Chad all over the place and he stared at Christian, not sure whether he wanted to be annoyed by the first part or completely swooning by the second. “Kind of defeats the purpose, right? Not that I mind, at all. Just seems...” Chad shrugged, dropping his eyes to the hem of Christian’s shirt and picking at the fraying fabric.

“Seems?” Christian’s smile faded slightly and he sighed. “Like a cop out? Not enough? Stupid?”

“Not stupid.” Chad shook his head, giving his boyfriend a wider smile. “It’ll be good, great even. And I’ll always know that one line was meant for me.” Chad was fairly certain it was going to be the closest he got to a real shout out during a song, whether he inspired any others or not.

“I’m tryin’,” Christian said softly. As his expression softened he reached over and squeezed Chad’s thigh. “I know it’s not much.” Sometimes, he just wished that he didn’t want to sing as badly as he did - that there was something else that made him feel the same way.

“It’s good Christian, really. I know that... the whole thing is complicated. So just that you’re still trying.” Chad shrugged and caught Christian’s hand with his own, giving him a wider smile. “Did you write those lyrics down? The whole thing? Or can you just magically keep them stored in your brain?”

"I can remember 'em." Christian shrugged and leaned back a little. "Back's gettin' sore. You wanna drive for a while?" He glanced over at Chad, eyes lingering on his boyfriend's lips. Sometimes he felt like he could look at Chad for hours.

“Yeah okay.” Chad nodded, looking out the window to spot a turn off. He wasn’t very eager to finish their trip. It felt too much like going back to school after an awesome summer. Chad would have to find a job, Christian was going on tour, Chad just wanted it to be them alone forever. “Did I tell you my Dad asked for your phone number?”

"Our phone number?" Christian raised an eyebrow. Chad had said he was moving in but with the way his father had been Christian wasn't sure if he'd even mentioned it. "He gonna call me to brag when Tennessee wins a football game?"

“He asked for your cell phone number. I told him we didn’t have a house phone. But yeah, something like that. Something about bragging rights or scores of whatever. Then I told him you like basketball and I swear his eyes lit up. He’s gonna be adopting you next.” Chad laughed softly, shaking his head. He was relieved his dad got along with Christian, but it was a little odd to feel sad that he couldn’t connect with his dad on that level.

“You told him that?” Christian spotted a pull-out up ahead and signaled before swinging off the road. “What did he say?”

“What? That you like basketball?” Chad shifted in his seat, unbuckling his belt and looking over at Christian. “He was excited.”

“You told them you were movin’ in.” Christian reached out and grabbed the back of Chad’s neck. He was pretty sure he’d never be more in love with anyone.

“Well, yeah.” Chad smiled at Christian, just the slightest side of confused. “That’s - I mean, it’s a pretty big deal. So, just seemed right. It is, yeah?” Chad shifted toward Christian out of habit alone.

Christian's eyes widened and he nodded. "Yeah. That's - that's pretty fuckin' awesome." Tugging gently he waited until Chad's lips were almost touching his then whispered. "Have I told you today, I love you?"

“If you have it wasn’t nearly enough,” Chad murmured and pressed forward, capturing Christian’s lips in a slow, deep kiss. His body shuddered when Christian’s lips parted and his tongue slid forward automatically, hands tangling up into the man’s hair. He kind of loved when he did things that made Christian liked this, especially when it was something he didn’t think twice about doing.

Humming low and long, Christian let his tongue sweep through Chad's mouth and then pulled back slowly. "We should stop early tonight," he said softly. “Find a nice hotel, just for a treat, you know?”

“Yeah, I like that,” Chad breathed and rubbed his nose slowly along Christian’s, laughing softly. “Get a king sized bed and order room service?” Chad beamed at the idea, hand dropping to Christian’s thigh.

“Champagne and strawberries -” Frowning, Christian looked down. “Just strawberries,” he said softly. “Sorry.” Sometimes, for the briefest of moments, he could forget that _drinking_ was something he shouldn't do.

“Shh.” Chad laid his finger over Christian’s lip, shaking his head with a small smile. “This is good, don’t start thinking too much. We’ll get strawberries and melted chocolate. Sound good? I’ll even let you drip the chocolate on me. You know, if you want.” Chad shrugged, giving Christian his most innocent smile.

Christian gripped Chad's neck tightly for a few moments then let him go. "Yeah, that's good." Pushing a smile onto his lips, he shifted back and climbed out of the truck, stretching and heading around to pull Chad's door open.

"Come on, you." He held his arms out and waited for Chad to slide down his body as he got out of the truck. "Best part of every trip," he rasped against Chad's ear.

“Hugging me?” Chad asked with a laugh, curling his arms around Christian and kissing his neck. “Or you mean the part where I move down your body like you’re some type of stripper pole?” Sometimes Chad just wanted to _jump_ on Christian because he felt like a giddy teenager a little punch drunk on the way he felt for Christian.

“Yeah, that part. The stripper pole part.” Christian smiled and slumped into Chad’s body. “Chad?” He nuzzled into his boyfriend’s hair. “It’s a hard day today.” He clung to Chad a little too hard, until the ache in his arms told him that he was probably holding the other man a little _too_ hard.

Chad didn’t need to know details to get what Christian was talking about. He didn’t understand it, the day to day surge of cravings, and sometimes it seemed like what should be good days were actually bad, but Chad wouldn’t call his boyfriend on it. “What makes it harder today?” Chad asked softly, curling his arms over Christian’s shoulders and slipping his fingers back into the man’s hair. The way Christian was clutching at him made Chad’s heart ache and even if it was on the side of too tight, Chad couldn’t imagine moving.

For a while, Christian tried to figure out a way to put words to the tight feeling in the pit of his stomach. His nerves were rattled - maybe it was knowing that the trip was closer to being over now than beginning; that they were going to have to go back. Going back meant facing issues.

Shaking his head, Christian sighed. “Just … Just a hard day. Can I sleep for a while?” Christian had taken to sleeping stretched out across the front seat with his head on Chad’s lap. There was just enough room with the seat slid all the way back and Chad had long legs.

Swallowing thickly, Chad nodded. It was hard sometimes to understand the _hard day_ thing. After all, it was just them. Them and the truck. Chad had to struggle with the idea of not being needed as much as Christian said he was for a few moments before he shoved the thought away. When it came down to it, this wasn’t about him. This was Christian, and Chad had to accepted that some things were bigger than _them_.

He nudged Christian back gently and let their lips brush together, catching Christian’s lower lip between his own and drawing out for a moment as he deepened the kiss. He hummed softly into the kiss, hands stroking once more through Christian’s hair before just barely breaking the touch. “Just you, me, and the road right now, okay?” He whispered against Christian’s lips, eyes still closed. “Try not to think about the bigger picture for a bit.”

“Just wish we weren’t drivin’ back,” Christian answered. Feeling the slight burn of tears in his eyes Christian dropped his gaze and smiled slightly. “M’just tired, I think.”

“That’s your default excuse you know,” Chad murmured and pulled back enough to tip Christian’s head back, frowning at the flash of glassy steel eyes he caught. “Chris, this is me. You know you can say anything and I’ll always listen.” His thumb slid under Christian’s eye, heart aching for his boyfriend.

“I just wanna rest for a while. Just too much goin’ on in my head. I’m okay. I swear.” Christian’s lips formed a smile that he knew didn’t reach his eyes. Stepping back he ran his hands through his hair and took a few deep breaths.

Chad dropped his arms, staring at Christian for a long moment before swallowing and nodding. He knew there was more, it was all over the man’s face, but Christian wasn’t the type to say it. Or maybe he just didn’t know how. “Alright, let’s go then.” He shrugged and shifted past Christian to walk around to the driver’s side and slide in behind the wheel.

Lowering himself down onto the seat, Christian pulled himself across until he had one foot planted on the floor and could lean back to put his head on Chad’s lap. “You don’t mind, do you?”

The familiar rumble of the engine filled the cab again and Christian closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them to smile up at Chad before settled down.

“No, it’s okay,” Chad said softly and shifted the truck into drive then let his hand settle on Christian’s chest. “You sleep, I’ll wake you when I stop.” Chad was fairly confident that the highway they were on was the one they were supposed to stay on for a while. Plus he liked when Christian was asleep in his lap, even if he still felt the slightest bit unsettled.

Christian folded his arms tight across his chest and turned his face into Chad's shirt, breathing slow and deep. It wasn't so much the growl of the engine but the warmth of Chad's palm that relaxed Christian. Soon, he was breathing deeply and then he was dreaming.

Even though Christian kept insisting the walk in the smoldering heat would be worth it, Chad didn’t truly believe it until he was standing near the edge, peering down into the canyon. It was too massive to really comprehend. Chad had seen the Grand Canyon from the plane before but standing there, made him feel so much smaller.

Wiping at the sweat beading on the back of his neck, Chad fanned hot air into his face then lifted his shirt, dumping some water down the front of his shirt. He glanced over at his boyfriend, smiling at the pony tail Christian had put together in effort to fight the heat. “I’m not going to look so good sunburned,” Chad said quietly, offering the water bottle to Christian.

Shaking his head, Christian pulled the bottle of sun screen out of his back pocket and poured some onto his hand so he could rub it over Chad's cheeks and down the center of his nose before rubbing it in gently. As his fingers slid cream around Chad's neck he tilted his head and looked up at his boyfriend. "Tell me it's not the most _fucking_ amazing thing you've ever seen."

Chad leaned back against Christian and dipped his head in a slow nod. “Yeah, it’s pretty fucking amazing. Kind of hard to wrap my mind around.” Once more Chad lifted the water, this time sipping slowly from it. The drive back had been full of little stops, Christian always coming up with something they _had_ to see, and Chad was starting to realize that the man had no real desire to rush home. “You been here before?”

“Yup. First time sober.” Christian shrugged. “Looks better this way, feels hotter though.” Hooking his arm around Chad’s neck, Christian wiped the last of the sun screen low on Chad’s throat and stared out over the edge. “Beautiful,” he whispered.

“You were drunk literally at the Grand Canyon? I mean, tell me you weren’t drunk and standing close to ledges.” Chad looked over at his boyfriend, torn between surprise and amusement. It wasn’t _that_ funny but Chad half laughed to hide his disapproval.

Christian just shrugged and rested his chin on Chad's shoulder. A husband and wife wandered past with two young children in tow. The smallest boy, tow-headed and burly, frowned and whispered something to his younger brother and they both snickered. They were maybe ten and twelve, old enough not to stare and certainly old enough not to laugh at two men together.

Narrowing his gaze Christian growled, "We're gay. Ask your parents to explain it to you when you _grow_ up,' Christian said firmly. Both boys darted after their father and Christian hid his smile in Chad's hair.

Chad choked on a laugh, shaking his head and gently elbowing Christian’s side. “Do you feel better now that you’ve put the little kids in their place?” He couldn’t really help the smile on his face at that.

“Well, Jesus.” Christian pressed up against Chad’s back _hard_ and nipped at the back of his ear. “They’re old enough to know better. My son wouldn’t talk like that to anyone.” He hadn’t put a great deal of thought into it - but he was raised to treat his elders with respect.

For just a moment Chad’s chest tightened then he smiled and dropped his eyes to the ground. “Your son huh? That just a hypothetical thing or, you know.” Chad slid his hand over Christian’s, threading their fingers together.

"You never thought about havin' kids? I always wanted to do it right, you know? Raise someone who knew they were loved. A confident guy - teach him how to play ball and talk about stuff and..." Christian shrugged again and laughed nervously. "Fuck, I'm just babblin' today."

“I don’t mind you babbling, I just never realized you wanted kids. It’s sweet.” Chad could picture Christian with a son, could picture him spoiling the boy, trying to give him some idealistic life. Chad bit his lip, swaying them gently back and forth. “What if you had a daughter?”

“A daughter,” Christian mused. He could envision them walking hand in hand with a pretty little girl. Of course, she had long blond hair in his mind - the exact color and texture of Chad’s. “Treat her like a Princess,” Christian murmured.

His fingers tightened on Chad’s and he turned out from behind him and pulled him down toward one of the observation points. “Come on, let’s get a picture of you and me in front of it. Somehow,” he added when he realized how tricky that could be.

Laughing softly, Chad nodded and let Christian tug him along, glancing down to watch their feet move. “Where you with Steve when you came here last?” he asked, shrugging when Christian looked back at him.

“By myself. Was gonna wait until after dark and just wander down one of the trails. You know they say if you don’t have at least three litres of water you won’t live.” Wiping the sweat from his brow he pulled Chad down the concrete steps and out toward the end of the ramp.

“That’s...” Chad pursed his lips, not sure what to make of Christian’s kind of offhand remark. “Well I’m glad you did, wander down the trails I mean. Did you go on a country road trip?” Chad’s eyes widened slightly at the observation ramp, not sure how into the idea of standing _so_ close to the edge he was.

“Just started drivin’ one day and didn’t stop. Kept goin’. It’s kind of freeing.” Christian shrugged and wiped at his brow again. “This time was better. Chad?” Gaze still directed out over the canyon Christian felt Chad come up to his side.

Despite whatever Christian’s circumstances at the time might have been, it made Chad smile, imagining him just hoping on the road and going. He had no idea what it felt like to feel that _free_. “Yeah?” Chad looked over at Christian when he didn’t continue.

“If I forget to tell you later? This trip. It’s been the best time I’ve ever had.” Christian squinted against the sunlight, fingers twining with Chad’s once more. “The best thing ever, I just want you to know that.” Christian’s voice wavered slightly and he squeezed his boyfriend’s hand.

Swallowing the sudden lump in his throat, Chad stared at Christian for a long moment then leaned over, pressing his lips softly to Christian’s cheek. “I feel exactly the same. Couldn’t imagine anything better than a road trip with you. Or well, anything with you.” Chad laid his head on Christian’s shoulder, closing his eyes and smiling at the slight race of his heart.

Christian cleared his throat and slung his arm around Chad's shoulders. A smile softened the expression on his face. "Make your heart do that weird thing again?"

“Oh yeah, definitely,” Chad murmured, sliding his arm around Christian’s middle and turning into him. “Let’s only drive for a few more hours and then get a hotel.” They were going to simply push through, arrive home late in the evening, but Chad suddenly had absolutely no desire to be home.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Christian just stood there, letting the heat of the dry wind blow over his damp skin. “Let’s just order room service and lie around,” he said softly.

“We keep doing that and we’re gonna be broke,” Chad pointed out though his protest didn’t really run that deep. “You hate the idea of going home huh?”

“Everything’s gonna go back the way it was. And... there’s shit to deal with, Chad. Runnin’ away was good - but - unless we keep runnin’ I’m heading back to all the same stuff.”

Chad sighed and nodded slowly. Sometimes Christian made everything so _heavy_ it felt like every happy moment they had was followed quickly by the harsh slap of reality. Straightening up, he slid a hand through his hair and shrugged. “That’s life I guess.”

Frowning, hurt flickered through Christian's chest and he laughed hollowly. "Yeah. Guess it is. We should get goin'." Turning he headed back up the stairs and began the long walk back to the car.

For just a moment Chad stared out at the canyon, his shoulders slumping as he turned and quickened his steps to catch up with Christian. “I’m trying,” he said quietly, reaching out to snag the man’s hand and slide their fingers together.

Christian's smile felt strained and he looked away. "I'm sorry you have to." He took a deep breath and kept walking, dropping Chad's hand after a few steps. "We should stop at that tourist store and get more water before we get all the way back to the car."

Chad felt the sharp bite of tears and he looked down at his feet, blowing through the hard press of emotion. “Sure,” he muttered and shoved his hands into his pockets. This wasn’t the way things should go but they kept coming back to it and Chad didn’t know how to escape it.

The room was pretty standard, nothing Chad hadn’t seen before, but he looked around anyway just for something to do. After all, things had basically been silent since they’d left the canyon, all of Chad’s questions being answered with a quiet yes or no or a shrug. Sometimes Chad didn’t feel like he was strong enough to hold their relationship up, other times he felt like he’d fight to the end of the earth for them.

Right now, Chad wasn’t even sure what he could say to make things better. He slipped out of his shoes and set his bag to the side, frowning as he caught a whiff of his sweat stained t-shirt. “I need a shower,” he said quietly, peeling his socks off with a grimace.

Nodding, Christian rubbed at the back of his neck and squeezed his eyes shut for a few moments. He had that sluggish feeling from too much sun and not enough water, like he was trying to slog his way through sand. "Go ahead, I'll ... I'll uh... what do you want for dinner?"

Chad’s shoulders sank and he stared hard at the ground. He wasn’t sure why he’d been thinking Christian would suddenly turn around and want to shower with him. Whatever Chad _wasn’t_ doing had to be pretty major. “Whatever. Burgers or, you know, whatever the hotel has.”

Christian rubbed his thumb across his bottom lip and headed over to the phone. "G'on, I'll order and by the time you're done it'll be ready." Tugging his wallet out of his jeans he pulled out a few bills to have ready for the tip. When he sensed that Chad hadn't moved he nodded toward the bathroom door. "S'okay, go ahead."

Staring at his boyfriend for a long moment, Chad contemplated just walking over to the man and throwing his arms around him. Then he recalled how it felt when Christian wouldn’t hold his hand on the walk back to the truck and how he didn’t urge Chad to scoot closer during the drive. Chad entertained the notion that he was the only one who felt like anything was wrong, and he cleared his throat, just in case. “You... could come with me? To shower?”

"Chad, just go, _fuck_." Christian threw his wallet down a little too hard on the dresser and then lifted a shaking hand to press against his eyes. He took a few moments to breathe slowly and said softly, "It's okay, Chad. Just go shower." He felt like he was just holding it together by a fine thread and every time Chad reached for him it make his heart feel like it was going to explode.

Shock kept Chad rooted to the spot, his eyes wide and watering. Apparently he hadn’t been imagining this weird thing between them. “Christian, I -” his voice caught in his throat when Christian tensed and he took a step back, turning to grab his bag from the floor and tug it open. “Sorry,” he muttered, searching through the bag for clean underwear as he desperately blinked the tears from his eyes.

Christian's hands were shaking so badly that he twisted them together as his jaw clenched tight. When his lips parted the half sob that escaped his body startled him and he stepped back from the dresser and lifted his hand to rub at his chest. It was like all the air had been sucked out of the hotel room, like floating in some kind of vacuum.

Turning slowly, Christian took a gasp of air and pressed his palm flat over his eyes. "I -" He rolled his lips together tightly and took a couple of shaky steps toward the bed before sinking down. "Chad." He was panting, and it felt like he wasn't getting enough air and Christian's eyes were wide when he looked up at his boyfriend. All he could see through his tears was the blurry shape of Chad's body.

“Jesus,” Chad whispered and dropped his bed, taking the risk of being pushed away and dropping down to Christian’s side on the bed. “Christian, talk to me, what’s going on?” He wrapped his arm around the man, free hand moving up to slide over Christian’s cheek. “What do you need? Some water?” He so desperately wanted to help Christian which was almost impossible when he had no idea what to do.

Christian just kept trying to get air in his lungs. He was shaking so badly it reminded him of when he was a little kid and used to play outside in the snow until he was almost frozen. His hand slid over to grip Chad's arm tightly and he dropped his head slightly and squeezed his eyes shut against the tears that suddenly wouldn't stop. Barely making a sound beyond each wheeze of air he managed to get in and then the effort of blowing it back out he shook his head slightly.

“Come on Christian, fuckin’ _breathe_.” Chad rubbed along Christian’s back, his heart beginning to race with the swell of panic. He didn’t know how to fix this but he _should_ and it was driving him insane, feeling so helpless when it came to the man he loved. “Christian, look at me.” Chad tried tugging his arm free from Christian’s hand but the man kept him in place. “Please, god, Christian.”

Turning slightly, Christian slid down to the floor and pushed in between Chad's legs so he could get as close as possible to him. His arms were cinched tight around the man's waist and he pressed his cheek to Chad's chest. "M'gonna fuck it up," he whispered. "It's ... it's easier away . And - it's all - the-" Sucking in a deep breath Christian pressed closer and let out a small sound as he felt his muscles clench tight against the pain that was ripping through him.

Chad didn’t hesitate wrapping his arms around Christian, fingers moving as comfortingly as he could manage through the man’s hair. “Shh, Christian, you’re not -” Chad blinked away tears and bent down toward the man, trying to cradle him closer. “You won’t fuck it up. I won’t let you. And if you do we’ll get through it. We’ve gotten through everything else right? M’not gonna let you go, not ever.” Chad’s voice was a tight whisper but he didn’t care, he knew he could convince Christian, maybe.

Christian wasn't sure how long he clung to Chad but he just couldn't let go. He couldn't even put the words together properly in a way that would let Chad understand but he just knew things would go wrong again because they always had. His entire life Christian had tried to make the right decisions, do the right thing and he'd never quite gotten things to work. So far he had no reason to believe that his time with Chad would be any different.

Dragging his cheek across Chad's shirt he looked up and blinked a few times. "You know I love you," he whispered in between breaths.

“I know,” Chad whispered in return, staring down at Christian with sad eyes. “Christian, I know you think you’re a fuck up. I know things in your life have been shit but it’s going to be different now, with you and me.” His fingers slid over Christian’s cheeks, wiping away the rest of the tears. “We’re gonna buy a house, maybe have some commitment ceremony. Then, you know what? We’ll have to kids, a boy and a girl, and you’re gonna make a great Dad and we’ll still have a fantastic sex life. You just gotta believe me, you gotta stick with me, okay?” Chad’s smile was shaky and he kept his hands moving over Christian’s face, back through his hair.

Christian's shoulders slumped and he finally loosened his death grip on Chad slightly. He wished it was as easy for him to believe as it should be; that Chad's words could make the crushing ache inside. "Okay," he whispered.

Sometimes, when he looked into the clear blue of Chad's eyes he could imagine what it might be like to have the things that Chad wanted. But Christian knew himself. He knew how things worked. Nodding, he kneeled up until he could capture Chad's mouth under his. Everything he felt; all the pain, the ache and the hopelessness poured out of him and into that kiss. It was hard and long, his lips moving roughly over his boyfriend's until they were both breathless.

Chad didn’t have a problem admitting he was obsessed with Christian. As a result, he could almost read the man’s mind in moments like this, when the man kissed him so hard he was left reeling. Chad gasped when Christian bit down on his bottom lip and tugged it out sharply. “Chris -” he moaned as Christian’s lips captured his once more and he swayed backward.

It hurt that Christian didn’t believe him, didn’t think they could have that, but Chad knew he could say it a thousand times and the man would likely still not believe it. So he simply kissed his boyfriend back, curling his fingers in the man’s hair.

Christian's hand connected hard with Chad's shoulder and he shoved the man back on the bed. All he could think about what getting his hands on Chad's skin, feeling the heat of his boyfriend's body. Chad always made things feel better; feel right.

Groaning softly Christian crawled up Chad's body, mouth leaving wet marks along flesh as he pushed clothing out of the way. "I need you," he whispered.

“I’m right here,” Chad whispered, arching up into the heat of Christian's mouth. “Take me.” He nearly shuddered with the words, his body instantly exploding with heat at Christian’s nearly growled request.

Christian fumbled with Chad's pants, yanking too hard on the button and letting out a frustrated growl. His heart was pounding, blood racing through his body and the earthy smell of Chad's body was everywhere.

Closing his eyes, Christian let out a low moan and slid Chad's jeans down. His mouth connected with the smooth curve of Chad's hip, sucking and marking the skin then sliding lower as he followed the retreating denim.

A soft moan fell from Chad and the minute the jeans were off his feet his legs were spreading. It was a little crazy, the way he could _feel_ Christian’s need, hard movements that left him reeling. “God, Christian,” Chad groaned as the man’s fingers slid up his legs, leaving trailing waves of heat and pleasure.

Standing long enough to kick at Chad's pants until he saw the pocket with the lube, Christian tugged his own pants loose and shoved them down roughly. Each moment away from Chad felt like a thousand years and he sank back down onto the bed beside his lover as soon as he was naked.

Dragging his palm up Chad's thigh, Christian stared into the ice blue eyes that he knew so well. The curve of Chad's hip bone was familiar, the smooth feel of his flesh, each bump of muscle. Christian didn't need to _touch_ Chad to know every part of him.

His lips moved along Chad's collar bone until he could bite hard at the flesh of his throat. "Chad," he murmured.

It was automatic habit to press into Christian lips, always seeking more touch, more heat. His hands lifted to move over Christian’s skin, sucking in a shaky breath. “I need you,” Chad whispered, waiting until Christian looked up to continue. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you. But I need you just as bad as you need me. I don’t feel complete without you.” His fingers moved down along Christian’s jaw, shifting to trace over his lips.

Barely able to breathe, Christian could feel his body trembling with want, fear, emotion - everything that had been building in him since their trip had begun. Chad's breath was warm and moist against Christian's lips and he slid his hand up into Chad's hair, gripping it tightly.

Licking his lips, Christian grabbed Chad's shoulders and rolled onto his back. Chad straddled his hips and Christian moaned as soon as the heat of his boyfriend's body settled against his hips and his hands moved up Chad's thighs.

Chad stared down at Christian for a long moment, waiting, wishing for some type of response. _Anything_. Until it occurred to him that this was what Christian knew best. He was reassured by touch, by closeness, and when he couldn’t find the words this was how he communicated.

“Want me like this?” Chad asked quietly, purposefully rolling his body back so Christian’s already hard cock slotted between his ass and rubbed easily along the groove of flesh.

Christian nodded as his tongue swept over his bottom lip quickly. The skin on his face felt tight as his tears dried and his throat was aching but he felt a burst of pleasure flare in his body as Chad moved over him. "Love you," he whispered.

“Love you too,” Chad breathed, twisting until he spotted the lube and snagging it. He slicked his palm and reached back behind him, curling fingers over Christian’s cock and stroking slowly until Christian was thrusting up into his fist.

Biting down on his lip, Chad held Christian at the base and lifted his body, looking eyes with his boyfriend as he lined himself up and sank down. It stretched more than he expected, flaring up the tangle of pain and pleasure, and Chad simply let his body drop, taking all of Christian in with one swift thrust. His hands dropped to the blanket on either side of Christian’s head as he fell forward, lips parted in a gasp.

A tingling burn ran down Christian's body and he arched up off the mattress in one fluid motion. The moan that left his body was deep and his hands clawed at Chad's hips, up over his sides and over the tensing muscles across the man's back. This always made his heart swell and ache - the way that Chad's body moved, the way his muscles rippled and tensed.

“Oh god,” Chad moaned, rocking his body back into the upward thrust of Christian’s hips. A shudder moved down his spine and Chad slid his hand under Christian’s neck, tugging him up so their lips could meet. He didn’t stop moving his hips, slow rolls, steady lifts and falls, and Chad sucked Christian’s tongue into his mouth. How could the man not know how he affected Chad?

Each roll of Chad's hips sent another wave of pleasure through Christian and he moaned into the wet kiss, lips parting wider and tongue shoving all the way into Chad's mouth. Every part of Chad belonged to him, Christian knew that - even as his fingers gripped so tightly he was bruising flesh.

One hand slid up Chad's spine to tangle in his hair and Christian held him fast; his mouth moved against Chad's, sucking, licking, teeth grazing the tender lips. His hips rolled slowly and he anchored Chad there; holding him to the slow, teasing rhythm because he never wanted it to stop.

It all felt like too much, the way Christian’s tongue was moving over every inch of his mouth, the way he held him so hard in place that Chad couldn’t even _think_ about moving, and the slow circle roll of his hips up, until the head of his cock was pressing continuously against Chad’s prostate. Chad half moaned, half whimpered into the kiss, his body shaking with each breath he pulled in through his nose.

“C-chris,” Chad gasped into the kiss, fingers moving to curl around the man’s neck. His thumbs rubbed a small circle along Christian’s racing pulse and Chad clenched around his lover, holding him in place.

Christian was trembling, shaking and his fingers dug hard into Chad's back as his thrusts slowed. He teased out the last delicious, aching moments before his orgasm hit. It was a full body wave of heat and release and Christian was only vaguely aware of murmuring Chad's name over and over as his body jolted with each pulse of come.

The feel of Christian coming in him, shuddering beneath him, was enough to have Chad’s eyes snapping open. He pulled back enough to watch the pleasure on his lover’s face and it tipped him over the edge, hips rolling hard back onto Christian as he threw his head back and moaned through the sharp burst of his release. He could feel the wet heat of come slicking between them and he collapsed onto Christian’s chest, panting into his neck.

"I'm so sorry," Christian managed to whisper. His voice was honey thick and the words were muffled by Chad's hair. There were a thousand things he was sorry for; maybe most, for never being able to find the right words for what mattered.

Still trying to catch his breath, Chad kissed beneath Christian’s ear, humming softly. “Don’t apologize, not after mind blowing sex.” He laughed softly and kissed his way down Christian’s jaw until their lips could meet. “You know I love you,” Chad murmured against the man’s lips.

When Chad moved slightly, Christian refused to loosen his hold and held Chad there. Closing his eyes he smiled into the blond locks and shook his head. "You forgive too easy," he whispered. And maybe that was one of the reasons he loved Chad so much; because Christian sure as hell had trouble forgiving himself for anything.

“It’s you,” Chad whispered, as if that should be enough of an answer. To Chad, it was. When it came to Christian, he couldn’t imagine not forgiving him. Especially after all the things they’d been through. “Can we just enjoy our last night out on the road?” he asked quietly, shifting to lay his head on Christian’s shoulder.

Nodding, Christian threaded his fingers through Chad's hair and let his grip loosen slightly. "Okay, but you can't be further away than this all night."

“Long as you shower with me,” Chad breathed, smiling against Christian’s skin. It was nice not to feel the ache that had lingered all afternoon.

“Deal,” Christian said. “You’re pretty... well, you smell a little.” He laughed softly and nosed into Chad’s hair.

“Always so romantic.” Chad laughed and pushed up enough to see Christian’s face, smiling down at him. “I love you.”

Christian just stared for a while as though, somehow, he could memorize the way Chad looked. Then he smiled and kisses his boyfriend's cheek softly. "Let's shower."


End file.
